gythadean

The Hunger Games Parody 5 (Part 1) Magdelenaberry's (phonetically: Mad-duh-lane-ah-berry) arm length was approximately 75.000000001cm (for the purposes of this story, this will be rounded to 75cm) long, well at least, her left arm was (her right arm was 3m long). She had had it measured by her father when she was 4, as he had been gifted with a metre ruler the day before (one of the perks of being mayor was the truly luxurious gifts). Magdelenaberry had strutted with pride around school for months after he received it, proudly announcing her arm's length. Never, though, had this length been as important to her as it was now, as she reached

1801- Dear diary, Please note that to prove that I am an impressively eloquent/pretentious misanthrope, I shall be writing in a way in which no ordinary human being would ever write, because it is far too complicated for anyone else's irrefutably inferior minds. I would have written in the imperial 'we' form, but for fear that my avid fans would be bamboozled by the plural pronoun, I decided not to. Now if you may, I will start the story. As you may notice in the course of my narrative, I lack in common sense and basic intelligence (though my vocabulary's diversity is, if I may be frank, simply inspiring), as well as emotional awareness. Pl

It had been several weeks since Fa had blanked me. Even so, just the thought of this terrible tragedy made my face contort with grief. "Torak!" Screamed Renn, "Why do you look so constipated?!" In my inner pain I ignored her. My eyes fell on Wolf who was drowning in a puddle. "Wolf!" I cried, and slithered towards the puddle on my belly. Unsheathing my knife, I grabbed Wolf's tail and tried to cut him free of the water. My flailing hand missed the puddle and I stuck the knife into my wrist instead. "Oh well," I said to myself, "Now I have a new storage place for my knife!" Wolf looked at me nonchalantly stepped over my bloody hand, and s

We had 'raves.'

I gazed into Mikey's eyes, holding his slender hands, before leaning in towards him. I kissed him slowly. "Maybe we shouldn't go to that dinner tonight." I suggested, grinning. "Yes…" He agreed, "I mean, I really don't feel very well. And you can't leave me alone for a whole night- I'm ill!" He smiled cheekily. "I'll order a take-away from that nice Indian place around the corner. Could you phone them up to tell them?" Mikey nodded. An hour later, we were sitting on the couch together, watching a rom-com. My head was on his shoulder. "I've missed this. With all the tours, it's been impossible." "Don't think about that- don't rui

"So when did WW1 start, James?" "1914, sir" "And Nick, what-" The teacher vanished in a puff of smoke, causing most of the students to scream. When the smoke cleared, he was gone. The students all shrieked some more before realising that screaming wouldn't bring him back. "Haha!" He smiled, rising from under his desk, "Gotcha!" "Good one, sir!" Nick called out. "Now then, I was saying, what are-" But he vanished before he could finish his sentence. Everyone burst into hysterical laughter this time, saying 'good one' and 'fantastic!' After an hour, people began to get a little worried, though, and when James checked under the desk, the t

"Torak?" "Yes, Fattie?" "Why are you sidling over to me in your potato sack?" "What?" I asked 'confusedly'. I was going to make her my girlfriend. "You're moving towards me suspiciously." "Don't you lurrrvveee me?" I batted my eyelashes beautifully. "Not quite." "Oh." I shuffled back to my original place: It's hard with a potato sack covering your head. "Torak?" "Yes, Fattie?" "Firstly, my name is Renn. Secondly, Fik-Hedded said we need to save the clans from an evil mouse by asking for help from the spirits. We need the nanuak." "OK." THen I had an amazing idea on how to win her over, I was going to remember her name! "Fattie, wh